Best Book For Learning Kannada (so far…)
13 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in Kannada
When Satya and I were in India we went to the “Russian Book Exhibition” which is where Satya remembers selecting his books as a child. He remembers getting beautifully illustrated Russian books that had been translated into English. Times have changed, however, and this time we didn’t see any Russian illustrated books (lush colors, very detailed, with folklore themes). There were many books in English and many in Kannada. I selected a book of rangoli patterns because I think rangoli is so beautiful (and tricky!).
On the last table were dictionaries and language learning books. Then, I saw the prize….”Conversational Kannada: A Micro-Wave Approach”. It even comes with a CD! The book is written by N.D. Krishnamurthy and Dr. U.P. Upadhyaya. The authors wrote the book after years of helping U.S. Peace Corps volunteers learn Kannada. The lessons cover typical beginning conversations and include notes on the culture and on grammar. One thing to note is that the conversations are written out using the English alphabet, not the Kannada alphabet. This could be a plus because it enables the learner to get right to the words. Or it could be a minus because I remember reading about one blogger’s experience with Hindi-those who never mastered the Hindi letters and relied on transcribing them to English letters never learned the finer points of Hindi sounds. In the rear of the book the conversations of each lesson are written out in Kannada script so it is up to the learner how much they want to interact with the Kannada script.
The ISBN for the book is 978-81-7286-580-1 and it is published by Prism Books.
Now I just have to use the book!
India, 2.0
27 May 2011 Leave a Comment
in India, Karnataka, Uncategorized
Our plan worked sort of. We spent April in Karnataka with Satya’s parents and moved to our new place in early May. Some things were definitely easier this time around, but other things were more challenging. This trip was more about reality, I think. Our first trip, Jan. ’10, was more of a celebration. Not that this trip did not have its amazing moments, but it was much more real for me. Perhaps it was the longer time period-2 weeks vs. 5 weeks. I really thought of it all like, “Could I live here for real? What would that be like?” It was also a bit humbling. At the beginning of the trip our attitude I think was, “We’ve done this before, we can handle anything.” I think we both realized we are more American than we expected.
The traveling part was easier this time. We flew Air France from NYC to Paris, then 2 hr. layover, then Paris to Bangalore. This was much, much easier than having an 8 hr. layover in Frankfurt, which is what we did last time. We got to Bangalore and were picked up from the airport by a hotel driver-very smooth and not stressful, just expensive. Our hotel was more comfortable than last time-quieter, bottled water on request, etc. We woke up with lots of enthusiasm and confidence. We went down and ate a huge, delicious breakfast-vada, sambhar, chutneys, and lots of other tasty things. An hour later our stomachs were a bit unhappy, but we just rested and drank lots of water. In the afternoon we decided to venture out. This is where things went a bit sour. Our rickshaw drivers were not honest and the second one forced us to go to a ridiculous souvenir store and buy something. After that, things were pretty much ruined for that day. We retreated back to the hotel and then we decided it was best to head out of Bangalore. We went back and booked a direct flight to his parent’s place for the next morning because we were feeling lost and overwhelmed in Bangalore.
In the evening, things looked up again when an old classmate of Satya’s visited our hotel with his wife. They were very nice and very down to earth. Both are computer engineers and work crazy hours. Tbey work 9-6 in the office then come home and have to be on call until 10 or 11 pm at night. Fortunately, we were in Bangalore on the weekend so they could visit. Hearing about their struggles was sobering. I think before that, we thought that life would be less stressful in India. We no longer believe that.
We went to UB City which was another overwhelming experience-crowded, loud music, lots of fancy lights and fancy faux architecture. It kinda reminded me of Atlantic City, only much newer and more wholesome.
Anyway, we ended up going to a very nice restaurant called South Indies and all of us ended up eating a very mild kind of dosa. Called a water dosa maybe?? Not very tasty, but then our stomachs at that point due to jet lag and indigestion couldn’t handle much else. The decor of the restaurant was very nice. I liked how there was a wall that had a fountain that made it look like we were sitting inside during a rainstorm. I think it was supposed to look like a fancy, old South Indian home.
Then it was back to the hotel for sleep because of the next day’s flight.
The flight out of Bangalore to Satya’s hometown. That flight was one of our best decisions……
2011
15 Feb 2011 3 Comments
in Books, India, Kannada, Karnataka Tags: april, does anyone else look like me, monsoon summer
Things are changing once again…..this time we may finally move! Yipee! Well, we will move it is just a matter of when and where.
At the moment it could be to the West Coast!! I’m hoping it will be more relaxed. We may be moving to a place that has one temple and just one small Indian grocery store. Satya visited there and noticed lots of mixed couples (in his words), but I wonder how it will be. Will I have to worry about people yelling at my in laws when they visit? (In fairness to people in small places, this happened to them in NJ where there are lots of Indians). Lots of little anxieties-what if we don’t like the one little temple that is there??
I’m hoping we will feel at home and will be able to settle in and maybe buy a house. I’m hoping we will not feel stuck. Overall though I think I’m ready and willing to trade East Coast aggressiveness, lack of space, and good food for West Coast relaxation, friendliness, and bad restaurant food (we’ll just cook more at home). Yes, I know that the West Coast has lots of great restaurants-this place though will have few. Maybe our focus will change-less on art museum stuff and more towards outdoorsy things like hiking, biking, and running.
Anyone else in a mixed relationship living in a small city with one temple and one grocery store?
If this all goes through, it means we’ll be in India in April. Bright sides-we will be there for the Kannada New Year, Ugadi, and will be there for the house blessing of the home of Satya’s cousin. Bad news-hot, hot, hot. I will have to stock up on cotton salwars then. How do you cope with India’s warm temperatures? Dress in light, loose clothes and drink lots of water and stay out of the sun?
In terms of reading, I’m reading now Monsoon Summer by Mitali Perkins. It is a teen novel. The protagonist, Jazz (short for Jasmine) is in Pune with her family for the summer. She hates having to leave her business and her best friend Steve in California while having to accompany her family to India while her mom works at an orphanage. In India she feels out of place because she is pale like her white father and huge (she was a shot putter at her California high school). It is ok, but sometimes I want to shake the main character and tell her to be brave (send those letters to Steve!) and to quit whining about her appearance (but then, who hasn’t been there when they were a teen?). I thought it was weird how caste comes into the book. Jazz or her brother asked, How do you know someone is of a low caste? The answer was because of darker skin tone, smaller, lighter build, and flat nose. Really? That was disturbing a bit. Some of those characteristics are just those of Southern India-not of caste necessarily. But, as my husband reminds me and as I see everyday working in an inner city library, the U.S. is not colorblind nor class-blind either and has its own struggles-1 in 4 children in the U.S. at risk of hunger and in the city we live in a high school graduation rate of 50%. Anyway, will have to find out if Jazz’s mother ever does find her mother and whether she did come from a lower caste. If so, how will Perkins handle that?
Also, at my library I found the book Does Anyone Else Look Like Me? A Parent’s Guide to Raising Multiracial Children by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. Has anyone read it? Do you think it is useful? Am just trying to look ahead for when Satya and I have children of our own.
Thoughts on “Nine Lives”
27 Oct 2010 6 Comments
Yesterday I finished reading Nine Lives: In Search of the Sacred in Modern India by William Dalrymple. I highly recommend this book. It is readable and insightful. Even though all the people Dalrymple profiles are extreme he does humanize them and makes them understandable. He has a wide geographical range-from Sindh in Pakistan, to Bengal, to Karnataka, to Tibet, to Kerala, and a wide range of religions (although some may argue they are all aspects of Hinduism) Jains, Buddhists, Sufis, and various sects of Hinduism.
The first chapter is about a Jain nun in Karnataka who is slowly starving herself to death. I was not looking forward to reading this chapter at all. Jainism had always sounded so bleak to me and pointless. It is a testament to Dalrymple and the remarkable nun he interviewed that the chapter turned out to be beautiful. Her decision to leave her family while a teenager and to undergo extreme privations (like having her hair pulled out strand by strand) made sense. The description of the tightly controlled ritual starvation also seemed beautiful-the person undergoing the ritual is never left alone-people are there to recite religious texts and to provide company. If the person wants to stop the ritual at any point, they have that choice. Her decision made sense because it was what she had prepared for her whole life and because she looked on death as an eagerly awaited adventure.
The third chapter was most troubling. I didn’t think it contained much beauty at all. Instead it seemed pathetic and hopeless. In the past, people dedicated to Yellamma had high positions in society-they were educated, wealthy, etc. Now they are like common prostitutes except they wear silk sarees, and sometimes are invited to important rituals to give blessings. The woman in the chapter was dedicated as a child against her will to pay off her family’s debts, but ended up also forcing her daughters into the same thing (her daughters ended up dying as teens from AIDS). The woman hoped to save up enough money to get out of prostitution, but that is highly unlikely as it is revealed that the woman herself is infected. The Indian government is trying to stop the practice, but Dalrymple writes that their efforts and the efforts of earlier British reformers has worsened the situation by driving it more underground and by marginalizing the position of those dedicated to Yellamma.
Some of the chapters focused on people whose way of worship may disappear soon because of the modernizing of Indian society-the man from the Rajasthani desert who with his wife and family performs epic poems, the man who creates idols, the man who embodies the gods when he dances. Others represent traditions that are in danger due to politics and violence-the monk from Tibet, the woman from the Sufi site in Sindh. I asked Satya what his view of this was, and he said that nothing in India truly dies, it just changes. People still are interested in the age old traditions. I’m not so sure. He gives the example of the wealthy middle-aged bankers whose hobby is Yakshagana.
The importance of marriage and family in Indian culture was reinforced for me. The chapter about the epic singer of Rajasthan wasn’t just about him. Dalrymple writes about how one cannot be an epic singer without a wife who is equally talented as a singer. At the end of the chapter, Dalrymple describes a performance where even the four year old grandson of the singer was included-he danced alongside his father and grandparents. That was a very beautiful passage as well. Even the chapter about the Tantra practicioners focused on how important family is. Despite the view in the West of Tantrics being wild “anything goes” types, in reality the Tantrics need to get married to have a partner with whom to do the rites. Again, Dalrymple was able to go beyond stereotypes.
Overall, the book was enjoyable and fascinating. I very much recommend the book. I don’t think it helped much wiht clarifying how everyday Indians experience Hinduism or what they believe. If you have any suggestions for a book about that, I’m open to suggestions.
Back Again
11 Oct 2010 7 Comments
I’ve decided to keep blogging. I love to read what others are experiencing in their relationships and learn more about India.
Satya and I have been together now for three years. Some things that I thought we’d have figured out by now are still up in the air (religion). Other things were much easier than expected (visiting India and meeting his extended family). Also, we are still in the same city I’ve been trying to move away from for nearly 3 years-very frustrating.
We’ve had our victories, like him finally receiving his permanent green card last month. Don’t underestimate the stress of waiting for that to arrive and the stress of putting together all that paperwork. Satya is much more methodical than me and we had many arguments about what to include (I wanted to include just the bare minimum). The final weight of the package with its table of contents, color coded Post-It bookmarks, etc. was 4 pounds!! We were lucky-we were able to complete all the paperwork ourselves without a lawyer. Still, it was not an easy process. We are breathing a sigh of relief now until the final batch of papers-for citizenship next year.
Another victory….Successfully hosting his parents for the past 3 summers for 3 months each time. Most of the credit goes to his parents for being so kind and so tolerant of us. This summer we were both working and somewhat stressed out so we couldn’t spend as much time with them as we’d have liked, but we still had a good time together. We’d all take walks together, play board games, watch movies, and go to the temple together sometimes. It is nice to know that they love and support us and that we all feel comfortable together.
Some things are still works in progress.
Religion….We agreed that we’d both keep our religions and raise our future kids to respect both. In practice though, we lean more towards Hindu/Lingayat more than to Catholic. Mostly this is due to the attitudes we encounter at church such as priests in their homilies mocking religions like Hinduism for “worshipping rivers and rocks”. I still feel like I don’t have a firm grasp of what Hinduism is exactly, but am slowly learning from experience-going with his family to the temple, celebrating some festivals, listening to beautiful songs with his mother like “Kali Maheshwari” and “Bhagyada Lakshmi Baramma” etc. It is hard to balance the two when Catholicism seems to say, “It is all or nothing,” and the Hinduism seems to say, “Come as you are…eventually we’ll all end up in the same place.”
Language. My Kannada skills are laughable. Maybe someday I’ll learn more. We will be going to India again within the year so we’ll see. I just haven’t made it a priority. Satya still intends to speak to our future kids in Kannada, so we’ll see how that goes. I think if our kids were to have a fighting chance at understanding and speaking Kannada, we’d have to live in Karnataka for a while. Or maybe encourage his parents to only speak in Kannada to them. We’ll see……
Balancing our families. Tricky. This past January we went to India to see his extended family-aunts, uncles, cousins. Indian hospitality can’t be beat. This past July we went to Iowa to see my extended family-not so welcoming or warm and friendly. I put part of this on Midwestern Scandinavian reticence-maybe if they after meeting Satya a few more times they’ll be more welcoming.
It is also hard to balance limited vacation time between the two families. I wish I could see my parents for three months out of the year, but I can understand the reasons for the disparity. My parents live close to two of my sisters. Satya doesn’t have any siblings living near his parents and his siblings are unwilling to host his parents for more than a week.
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On a completely different note, I have a book to recommend Almost French: Love and a New Life in Paris by Sarah Turnbull. Very entertaining and well-written. It is about Sarah’s adaptation to Paris and to her Paris love. She is from Australia. I think most people in intercultural relationships will find parts of the book that relate to them.
Favorite Movies We’ve Seen in 2010 (so far…)
15 Jun 2010 3 Comments
in Movies
We recently bought a blu-ray dvd player that also can stream Internet content to the tv. We are enjoying it a lot and are hoping Satya’s parents will also enjoy it when they visit this summer. We definitely recommend it because we can play Internet radio through Pandora (without commercials!!) on the tv and instantly stream Netflix movies to the tv. There are a few Hindi radio options. Pandora offers channels like a Kishore Kumar channel, A.R. Rahman channel, an Anu Malik channel and more. For all those lovers of Kannada music from the ‘60s there is not yet a Dr. Rajkumar station, though. Last summer, it was tough for the four of us to comfortably watch an instantly streamed Netflix movie on a laptop! Also, YouTube is able to be streamed to the tv so Satya’s parents should be able to find a wider variety of Kannada songs and movies there as well. (Unfortunately for me, a lot of the old Kannada movies on YouTube are not subtitled.) Without further ado, here are 3 movies we’ve recently enjoyed.
Khosla Ka Ghosla This was about a retired father of 3 who dreams of owning his own plot of land. Finally, he has enough money and buys it, but then everything crashes down on him. One son announces he wants to go to the U.S. on a work visa which crushes his father’s dream of everyone living in the same house on the plot of land. A local goon seizes the land and then offers to sell it back to him, the rightful owner, for half price. At this point, Satya said his parents in India could no longer watch the movie. For them, I think it just struck too close to them-all their kids are in the U.S. and they do have a plot of land. Even for me and Satya the movie was a tense one. How will the man ever get his land back? Will the family be reunited?
In many ways the movie is very realistic about the struggles of middle class people and about the dreams of retired people. It does show a generation gap in India pretty well-daughter arguing about wearing salwar kameez, young women not wearing bindis on their foreheads, sons in their 20s expecting to make their own decisions but running into parental opposition. It does show how easy it is to encroach land-something I also saw in India (scheduled caste group seizing land of a school playground, poorer people encroaching on the outskirts of a university).
The tidy Bollywood ending was not very realistic of course, but it was satisfying. This movie kept us on the edge of our seats with the plot and good acting. There were no big budget Bollywood musical numbers. The film did win the National Filmfare Award for Best Feature Film in Hindi in 2006.
Loins of Punjab What would American Idol be like if it was in NJ and done in Hindi? Loins of Punjab answers that question. It is a small budget, independent movie but gives some good laughs. There is a sweet love story, a subplot about the trials of an intercultural relationship, and a character you will love to hate. There were a lot of stereotypes (Indian guy who is clueless about women, the engineer type, the Indian American girl who doesn’t know Hindi, etc.), but lots of laughs and heart. One part that made me uncomfortable was near the beginning when the white Jewish contestant enters the contest. Some other characters commented that , “He is white, of course he will win.” I didn’t agree completely with the ending, but it was a fun movie to watch. Has anyone else seen this movie? What did you think of the ending, especially regarding the contest?
Welcome Bright colors, big song numbers, lovable villains, lots of laughs. This is a typical Bollywood movie, but nicely done. There was even a Karnataka tie-in (although not flattering) in that the gangster brothers had the very Karnataka name of Shetty. Nana Patekar and Anil Kapoor were hilarious as the gangster brothers. They were especially hilarious when trying out their legitimate careers (acting, and painting.) The big stars were Katrina Kaif and Akshay Kumar. One of our favorite songs “Kiya Kiya” is in the movie too. We’d heard the song and seen the video, but the video was a little confusing before seeing the full movie context. This was a fun movie all around and one we intend to watch with Satya’s parents.
What technologies do you use to help make parents visiting from India feel more at home?
Some Favorite Pictures From India
27 May 2010 3 Comments
in Karnataka Tags: Banavasi, Bangalore, Banvasi, Jog Falls, monkey, nandi, Shiva
Bananas. I ate so many bananas! They are the perfect snack food, like a granola bar or energy bar. Bananas are filled with nutrients, cheap, safe to eat, and everywhere!
The top picture is of the things we needed for our simple temple wedding blessing. It was a no-fuss ceremony. It was nice to feel included and I’m very thankful to have had the ceremony. We were blessed by many members of Satya’s family. This made our fourth wedding ceremony and now we are done!
The other picture is one of the first pictures we took in India-out the window of our Bangalore hotel room. We were looking onto a very busy street corner early in the morning. People would stop at the temple to pray on their way to work or to school.
The solar water heater on the roof of Satya’s home. The U.S. has a lot to learn from India in regards to energy efficiency. Usually, this worked very well (sometimes too well!).
A view from the roof again. This is the Tata Indica that seems to be very popular in India. Very nice car, loaned from family friends. We would load up to 6-8 people into this sometimes. I liked zooming around, listening to booming Bollywood music on the cd player, and being crowded amongst family.
Monkey at Jog Falls. Kids+Snacks=Being followed around by monkeys. They are cute at a distance. One of them snatched a bag of snacks from the 5 year old which was a little unsettling. The monkey then proceeded to put the plastic bag over its head and empty all the snacks onto the ground.
Monkeys are also a fact of life in town. Satya’s mom has had monkeys walk into the house and steal bags of peanuts from the kitchen. Also, sometimes at night the monkeys will sleep in the trees which means they will pee in the yard in the morning. Monkeys are also known to steal purses.
In India, nature is an integral part of life. Every ceremony involves local plants. Animals are respected. The moon is important because it keeps the time of the Hindu festival calendar-every festival seems to either be on a full moon date or a new moon date. Here in the U.S. the moon is completely ignored.
I saved the best for last…Nandi at the temple at Banavasi. Nandi is the bull who is Shiva’s faithful companion. Wherever there is Shiva in a temple, there will usually be Nandi looking in the direction of Shiva. This particular Nandi is special because he is looking at both his parents, one eye towards Shiva and one towards Parvati. Satya’s cousin told me this is to remind people that both parents are to be respected equally. I love that message.
Beggars or Divine Intermediaries?
26 May 2010 Leave a Comment
It seems whenever India is mentioned, beggars are mentioned. Did I see many beggars? There is only one that I remember strongly-a man without legs who was on a little wooden board with wheels. When we stopped to chat with some relatives in the market, he came around to everyone. Nobody gave him money because he was a known alcoholic.
He is not what this post is about.
What would you think if you saw a man coming towards you leading a cow that had decorations on its horns and forehead? He stops beside you and seems to be waiting for something. You could ignore him or you could give him some coins and take blessings from the cow, symbol of faithfulness, gentleness and prosperity. Is he a beggar?
We were watching a documentary about Israeli hippies in Goa and in the documentary, the above scene occurred. What was the response of the Israelis? To yell at the man to get away. Satya explained the scene to me and said that the man was doing the Israelis a favor by approaching them.
Or women regularly come to your door carrying the goddess Yellamma (Yellamma is known for being a faithful and dutiful wife) on their heads. If you are the wife of the household, then you worship Yellamma and give the women handfuls of rice for bringing blessings to your house. Are the women beggars?
This happened when we were staying with family in a smaller town (described in one guidebook as the gateway to “deep rural Karnataka”). I was a little nervous and stayed in the backround while the wife of Satya’s cousin bustled around finding rice to give them, taking blessings. Satya later told me that the women were probably curious to see me, a new wife in the family, and wanted to welcome me. Unfortunately, I stayed in the backround, unclear as to what exactly was happening. Later, I regretted not going to the door.
On my next visit, I hope to be less guarded and more open.
Looking like a Respectable Married Woman in South India
06 May 2010 6 Comments
in India, Wedding Tags: bindi, chappals, clothes, glass bangles, Saree
As our trip went on, my clothes underwent a transformation. I wore jeans, a nice t-shirt, little jacket, and my high heeled boots my first day in Bangalore. By the end, I was wearing salwar kameez, bangles, bindi, chappals, and mangalsutra/thali.
These experiences come from visiting a medium sized city in Karnataka, South India. Also I visited a rural village, Jog Falls, and Banvasi’s temple.
Chappals
This was the first transformation. Our second day in Satya’s hometown we were taken to the shopping district for chappals. The main consideration was visiting. Taking shoes off is a must when entering anyone’s home. Shoes are also considered the dirtiest thing. Me unzipping the boots each time I was visiting, touching my hands to the shoes just wasn’t going to work. Plus, wearing boots and socks was hot. The solution-chappals. Chappals are sandals that are backless that you can slip in and out of made of leather. Flip flops made of rubber and plastic are called “slippers” and “sandals” equal sandals with straps that you cannot slip in and out of.
We bought our chappals at a store much like an American shoe store-brightly lit, benches to try on shoes, attendants bringing shoes out from the back, etc. We didn’t buy them from a market stall, although there are certainly many selling shoes of all kinds. We bought Bata ones, a brand that seems to be everywhere in India, though not here in the U.S.
Salwar Kameez
Luckily, I brought one that I bought online here. I quickly learned that despite what Satya said and what his sister said, jeans and a t-shirt was not going to work in India. When we visited people or when I went out in public I wore either the salwar kameez I brought with me or the salwar kameez outfits given by the wives of Satya’s cousins (one of the nicest things was that as a newish married couple, we received gifts of clothes, money, puja items).
Did I see women wearing jeans? Only in Bangalore. Teenage girls in high school/college can wear them in the medium sized city we were visiting (daughter of a cousin). One of Satya’s married older cousins, about 40, wore a salwar kameez outfit everytime I met her. It made sense-she was extremely busy as a wife, mother, and a doctor studying for a new certification. Other than her, nearly all married women wore sarees all the time. Especially for formal occasions, married women seem to wear sarees. When we visited Satya’s old elementary and high school, the female teachers asked me, “Where is your mangalsutra?” “Do you know how to wear a saree?” (All the female teachers wore sarees.)
Also, a warning to all the tall women may have problems with readymade salwar kameez outfits. I’m 5’9” and have a long torso so a lot of them didn’t fit quite right. When relatives asked my mother in law my size, she said, “Oh, she is about my size.” My mother in law is 5’2”! We all had a good laugh over that. Anyway, my sister tried on some of the outfits and they fit her perfectly-she is 5’5”.
Also, on the same chappal trip, we bought some Indian-style “tops”. These were very cute, but again not worn by anyone over the age of 21. The brands should have clued us in-one was called “18 Fire”. I had to use the XL size and even that was snug. Here, I’m a M. This is not to say all Indian women are tiny-I was not the tallest woman in the family or the widest but readymade clothes seem aimed at the youngest and thinnest women.
Bindi
One item I could not leave the house without. I used the little stick on ones that you can buy in a pack at the market for 5 or 10 rupees/pack. Those were perfectly acceptable. Satya likes me to wear them. Without a bindi he says my forehead looks “naked”. Older women use kumkum (a red powder) instead of the stick on kind. Do I wear a bindi in my everyday American life? No.
Bangles
On our trip to the market the night before the small Indian wedding ceremony we had my mother in law made sure I had bangles. Indian women wear bangles. It didn’t seem to matter if they were married or widowed-they all had bangles. What kinds? Gold bracelets interspersed with glass bangles. What colors? Green is most traditional for new brides and for weddings in general. Red is also popular for everyday. Sadly, my hands do not fold easily so I could wear small bangles. It seems the smaller, the better. At first, the bangles took some getting used to because to me, I felt like a cat with a bell on because every time I moved, I jangled. Now I kind of like the sound.
I do wear bangles here everyday but only a few on each wrist. My advice-get the ones with the color all the way through the bangle. If the color is painted on, after a few months the color will go away and you will be left with yellowish bangles instead of bright green. Glass bangles seem to be preferred, but they are a bit more expensive than the metal ones. I think it is worth it though. Satya bought me some metal ones here and they were annoying. Glass makes a nicer sound, glitter will not fall everywhere, and if you wear them overnight your arm will not get weird black marks like they will from the metal ones. Glass ones take a while to find though-I asked at 4 shops here before I found one that carried glass bangles.
Mangalsutra
If you are traveling to South India and you are a married woman, it is best to wear this. Why? Because this is the equivalent to the American wedding ring. Everywhere we’d go, people would ask about this. It did not matter if the people were Christians or Hindus-everyone wore them. Besides it is also important for ceremony. Whenever a married woman visits another married woman, at the end of the visit they bless each other by applying kumkum and sometimes turmeric to the forehead and the large circles of the mangalsutra. Sometimes small gifts are also exchanged like rice or fabric for a saree blouse, although the fabric is now mostly for tradition and ceremony and not to really make a saree blouse.
I went with Satya’s parents when we picked out the mangalsutra at the jewelers. First we selected the chain-small gold and black beads. Then the large flat circles were selected along with three larger gold balls. Mine is very similar to my mother in law’s and Satya says it is Maharashtrian style. I guess that makes sense since we were in Northern Karnataka. Yes, I do wear the mangalsutra everyday here in the U.S. I received mine during the small temple wedding ceremony and afterwards felt “more official” and more a real part of the family.
Conclusion
Now I know a lot more about what to expect and how to look like a respectable married woman (I feel old writing that). Once I did get whistled at in the market-was without mangalsutra, and wearing jeans and an American blouse. Satya deemed that a great insult and wanted to notify the police (I thought that was an overboard reaction, but he says in the South to whistle at someone else’s wife is a great insult.) I’m a little nervous though about the next trip. Satya says that his relatives were “low balling” me and that next time their expectations may be higher.
The Welcome and Houses
05 May 2010 Leave a Comment
in India, Karnataka Tags: houses, rickshaw
So we left off with the bus trip. Not fun at all. I DO NOT recommend taking the budget overnight buses in India if you want a peaceful night sleep. I thought they’d be like Greyhound buses or nicer, but no. Next time (probably winter 2011) we’ll fly from Bangalore to his hometown. Or maybe take the train and be adventurous…..this trip we never did get to take a train.
The bus stopped and we got off into a rickshaw. From the rickshaw to his house was not far. When we arrived at his house it was such a relief! And we had such a warm welcome! Satya’s mom and another cousin welcomed us and blessed us. We were given a small bucket to wash our feet off before entering the house. Also, everything was beautiful-the yard had been cleaned, the house repainted, and the entryway was decorated with colorful lights and garlands. There were rangoli patterns on the sidewalk and a big “Welcome Home” sign.
One moment was a little tense-as a daughter-in-law I was told to put my right foot on the threshold. Then a nail was placed between my big toe and second toe and tapped in. After my foot was removed, a cousin finished pounding the nail in.
We had something to eat. I think it was banana and maybe tea. I don’t think I ever ate so many bananas as when I was in India. Then it was nap time!
We woke up to the sound of voices and found out more relatives arrived. Most of the time everybody was spoke in Kannada. Despite my intentions, I never did learn much before I went and while there, only picked up a few more words. Body language does go a long way, though.
In the evening we did some visiting. It seems that every day around 4 pm our rounds of visits would begin. This caused some stress because in India relationships seem much closer and much more almost political. We had to be careful of who was visited and in what order.
I loved seeing the different houses. From what I could see, most people were either lower middle class to wealthy. Many, many people had new houses. Like others have commented, the value placed on furniture seems to be different. Furniture does not seem important and often seems to be multipurpose because it seems in India you never know how many people you will need to entertain. In many houses, the house would be absolutely gorgeous and so were the floors. The floors would often be of fancy stone. The first room where the entertaining would take place was often sparsely furnished. There would be those ubiquitous plastic chairs (the patio, stackable kind here), and often a twin bed to sit on. Sometimes that would be it. Some homes did have fancy furniture-rosewood couches, but that was not the norm.
Every house did seem to have a “showcase” though. This is where important gifts are kept-everything from large idols to photographs of grandkids. Usually the showcase is built into a wall, has 2-4 shelves, and has a sliding glass or plastic door. Maybe in the U.S. the equilvalent would be a mantel. Magnets have not made it over to India yet. I did not see any refrigerators covered in magnets.
Overall, “stuff” in India did not seem important. Traditionally, things like gold or land are what people save up for and really care about. This is changing a bit, but not much.
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